Mr. Pappagiorgio DOT COM

Listen Up Children! Schools back in session, so sit your little badasses down, shut your little bastard mouths, and listen up! Before you head back to real school, you need to hear Today’s Lesson: Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. With the kiddies headed back off to school this week, I just fealt like I needed to have a little session with the kids to teach them some valuable lessons, and lets face it, now that Isaac Hayes is gone, you won’t have Chef from South Park to be the voice of reason for your kids anymore. So here I am to help out. Now that we got that ridiculous introduction out of the way, lets get to it. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Elmer’s Glue is a very popular back to school item, and although it has a very specific use, it generally ends up in the your mouths, and eventually it will lead to dependency and experimentation, and the next thing you know you are hanging out behind the gym after 3rd period in the sixth grade coordinating the drug deal that’s going to bring you your next heroin fix. Just because you can eat Elmers Glue, doesn’t mean you should.

The always fun back to school activity of shooting spit wads is a highly attractive activity. You get to shoot spit wads at girls you like, boys you hate, and the teacher if you’ve got the balls to give it a try. I’m highly advising against this as generally during this activity you get so good at not getting caught, the next thing you know your shooting spit wads at the class bully who is now subsequently stabbing you in the ear with his newly sharpened pencil in art class. Just because you can shoot spit wads at people, doesn’t mean you should.

Lets face it, I don’t care if your in 2nd grade or 10th grade, you’ll always get some crackpot ass teacher who wants to give you a test on the very first day, and already you are panicking. But have no fear, the time to cheat is here, or at least that’s your new plan. But see, once you start to cheat, you tend to begin to rely on it, and the next thing you know your graduating high school with your 2.5 GPA that you acquired 100% through cheating, and despite all the cheating, sadly, that’s the only thing you ever got a 100% at, proving once again, you really are pretty stupid. You are so stupid, in fact, that you have never done any work on your own, and are now the proud owner of a 612 on your SAT’s. Don’t get too excited dumb ass, you get 600 just for signing your name. So now you are left with no other option than to work at Micky D’s and once again spend 3rd period outside your local gym, and this time you ran into a savvy sixth grader who is way smarter than you were at that age and is now selling you heroin instead of the other way around. Just because you can cheat and get away with it, doesn’t mean you should.

It’s a sick world we live in and if you are sending your 8 year old girl to school in a few days, you better go ahead and have the sex talk with her now, especially if your kid goes to a ghetto school, cause let’s face it, ghetto kids might as well be adults. No seriously, I’ve actually had a 7 year old girl tell me that this 9 year old boy just asked her to go into the bathroom with him and they could have sex. Awesome right? Well, it would be a good idea except for the fact that you are a seven year old girl who got pregnant and is all over the National news, and on top of that all the 12 year old boys now know you are easy and are hitting on you constantly and trying to get you to hook up with them at every turn. Now, there is a good thing about all this, you’ll be 25 years old when your kid turns 18, and you’re life and your kids life will have been so screwed up by then you’ll be able to start dating each other, and eventually get married, and spawn a demon child. Congratulations. Just because you can have sex at 7 years old, doesn’t mean you should.

So there you have it kids, I hope you enjoyed our talk, and always, always, always remember, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN, DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD! Alright, good talk, now get the hell outta here you little ankle biting freaks and go bother your parents instead of me, CLASS DISMISSED!