10T: IOC Announces New Events for the 2012 London Games.

The International Olympic Committee made another splash to close the 2008 summer games by announcing some brand new, extreme events to build on the success of snowboarding, bmx, etc. So I’m going to give you the lowdown in this WORLDWIDE Exclusive of each and every new event. And since there are ten of them, what better way to announce it to the world, than as part of my continuing series, TEN THINGS. I know, I know, its been awhile since the last ten things, and yes, it was labled as a “WEEKLY” Mr Pappagiorgio series, but you’ll notice this week on the banner below that ten things, is now being labled as “A Mr Pappagiorgio” series. Aha! Glad we cleared that up, now on to the list…

Event #1 Shark Swimming: With the unbelievable success of these Olympic for NBC, and The Olympics themselves, its pretty clear to see that it wouldn’t have been quite as spectacular without Michael Phelps. So the IOC is going a step further, and giving Phelps a chance for even more medals in London. Swimming is generally over after the first week of the games, but now, you’ll be able to enjoy swimming for the entire Olympics in London because Shark swimming will begin the very next day swimming ends, and will off 4 new medal chances for Michael Phelps. The events are the 100m, 200m, 400m, and the never before finished 800m Shark Swim. The events will take place in an 800 meter long shark tank, that has a moving deck to accomodate for the different starting locations. Swimmers are then put to the test, one at a time. Before diving in, each swimmer is sliced on the leg, so there is a gash of blood streaming from their body as they jump in, then its up to the swimmer to reach the end of the pool before the sharks get ahold of them. The 800m has never been conquered, what better event for Phelps to conquer?

Event #2 Drug Sniffing Dog Sprinting: Drug Sniffing Dog Sprinting is the new twist on the traditional sport that really adds that extreme elimant. The way it works is exactly the same as normal track spring, except 2 meters behind the block are drug sniffing dogs gates resembling Horse racing gates. Then before the sprinters get set, a judge douse each runner with a handfull of cocaine powder all over their body. Then once the gun sounds, the gates are open and its up to each runner to reach the safe zone before the dog attacks them, each runner has thier own dog, but hey, its everyman for himself when that gun fires. The IOC said this event will only be in the 100m, and 200m, as knowone has yet finished a 200m without a dog clinched on to someone body.

Event #3 Sky Diving: Diving is always a fun sport to watch, and in 2012, it will be 10x more fun as “Sky Diving” enters the games. This event is actually a combination of actual sky diving, and pool diving. Sky Divers will have to parachute in align themselves above the pool before their parachute detaches (Which is does atomatcially when the sensor senses the right distance to the ground…about 3 times higher than the high dive) and once detached perform a dive of their choice just as they would from the high dive. The IOC acknowledged a better than moderate chance that someone will die with the automatic chute detachers inability to distinguish water from land, so the competitors better hope they line themselves up right.

Event #4 Pool Fighting: With the success of MMA comes PF, which stands for pool fighting. Picture this, half and olympic sized swimming pool, 4 foot maximum depth, and 100 combatants to start. Last man in the pool wins the Gold. This is going to be my personal favorate, especially the womans event. 100 Chicks in bikins fighting in a pool to win the gold, it just doesn’t get much better than that. There has yet to be an event where at least one competitors clothes didn’t get ripped off on the female events making this the most popular underground sport in the country right now.

Event #5 Pit Gymnastics: Crocodile Pit that is. Gymnasts thought their nerves were a problem before? Try competing on the balance beam 35 feet above a pit of human hungry crocodiles startving for food. Still not nervous? Okay, add a dismount landing area that is only 3 feet by 3 feet, and now you have every right to be super nervous. These events will also include uneven parallel bars using the same pit, and Vault of Death where the gymnasts have to vault themselves from one side of the pit to the other. The IOC Does acknowledge there may be no gymnasts left after the 2012 games, but the chief of the comittee was quoted as saying “Hey, the upside is higher than the downside” Wow, harsh sir.

There were also five more events mentioned, but had undisclosed rules for events. The names were:

Competitive Stabbing

Olympic Idol

Olympians have talent

Competitive Decapitating

Competitive Torturing

About the Author

Mr. Pappagiorgio

A struggling lower class citizen with luck on the opposite side of the spectrum from his online persona Nick Pappagiorgio, blogs about whatever crap spews out of his puny little brain, if for nothing else, to stay sane.

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